I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
