When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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