You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
