Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
