Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
