Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
