Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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