i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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