So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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