so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
