Kiss
Puke
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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