dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
