I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
