I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
