I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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