The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
