Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
