she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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