even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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