apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
