i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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