just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
