Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
