I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
