he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
