They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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