Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
