all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
