I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
