I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Even my vagina gasped.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
