how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
