i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
