I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
