I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
