Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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