Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
