I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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