So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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