so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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