o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
