Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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