i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
