I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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