if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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