I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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