WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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