College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
