By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
