i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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