The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
