i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
