Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
