If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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