Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
