I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
