i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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