Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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