stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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