so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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